“..Sorry, but I was just being honest! ”.
I was at a gig some months ago when someone I know (not really a close friend) said those words to me. That statement was made shortly after I had been talking with someone else in this person’s presence, and this acquaintance decided to let me know that she found the way I spoke to be patronising. I came away pretty angry from that conversation. Trying to work out why I was so peaved, I asked myself “Are you mad because she told you something you don’t want to hear?”. After some consideration I realised the answer to that question was no. My frustration was centred more around the fact that this person had exercised her freedom to speak her mind, regardless of how it affected me. She had cleared her mind of what she wanted to say, and in the process lost the opportunity for me to trust her feedback about how I talked with our mutual friend. It’s a perfectly human occurrence, but it turns my mind to thinking about what it means to tell the truth.
Isn’t it one of God’s priorities to be truthful? It has to be. So committed is God to being truthful that he is prepared to cut off people from his presence who do not acknowledge his right to their lives. If more proof was required, how could we go past his preparedness to die; so that we might escape the lie that we are all that we need to exist? Though difficult at times, telling the truth is clearly a responsibility God has asked us to exercise being in his image. It seems, however, that what it means to speak the truth to other people, in our culture means something different to the way God sees it.
Modern people find it relatively easy to be honest. Our modern life has been marked as an age of individualism. The rights of the individual are important and are defended at a high cost. Some words that echo these values from “Underground Surf” magazine.:
“Freedom can’t be bought for anything - if you hold her precious you must hold all else of little worth.”. It’s a nice sentiment about freedom coming at a cost, but the work of the disease of individualism is that personal freedom, expression and rights are valued to the point of devaluing other things that are worth so much. The popular way to think in an individualistic culture is that my rights as a person are very important, and that it’s right for us all to encourage each other to claim our rights to be ourselves. What are the rights that we seek to claim? Some of them include the right to personal choice (to do what I want), the right to be comfortable (to feel how I want), the right to be free from people who disagree with me (to not get told what to do) and the right to express my beliefs or even assert them over people who speak against my beliefs (to keep my beliefs).
If you believe it important to express your views (because after all they’re important) then being honest with someone about what you see or think becomes an extension of your rights. Telling the truth can be dangerously close to clearing your mind, and actually loses its value as a powerful communication. Individualism is not the cause of selfish behaviour of course, but it has given all of us - Christian or not - an enormous encouragement socially, to use our words to satisfy ourselves, and caring for others may not get a look in.
It is some relief to me, that God’s version of truth-telling is somewhat more balanced. God has revealed to us in the bible that he is not committed to only telling the truth, but also committed to love. Ephesians 4:15 says:
“Speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the head, that is Christ”.
Paul the apostle tells us that God sees love and truth as an inseparable pair; one informs the other and ensures a balance of right behaviour. Put another way, love for another informs whether or not and how the truth should be told. When we keep the connection between responsibility for someone’s wellbeing and telling them the truth (which will be hard to hear at times) then we allow the truth a right of passage into their life, as it is guarded by a concern for their needs. Sadly, our individualistic thinking has let our moral responsibility and concern for the wellbeing of people outside of ourselves escape our grasp. Hugh Mackay addresses this in his social analysis of life in Australia “Re-Inventing Australia”.
He attributes some of the anxiety of us Aussies to a poor sense of community and a corresponding lack of perceived responsibility for each other at work and in the neighbourhood - especially in the city. Yet what an opportunity to make a difference. If I dare to exercise the choice to be truthful, over my need to tell you what I think and feel, then I show you genuine love and am using the truth to benefit you and help you grow.
In the midst of our Aussie mob of rugged individuals, often focussed on self-survival, I bet Jesus’ radical love, shown in our character, can be a refreshing & healing force - bringing true change instead of more true lies.
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